With our ammunition gone, and faced with utter defeat,
Who was it that burned the crops, and left us nothing to eat?
The answer, of course, was General Jubilation T. Cornpone; immortalized in song in the Broadway and later movie musical, "Li'l Abner."
General Jubilation T. Cornpone was the closest Li'l Abner's hometown, Dogpatch, came to producing a Civil War hero.
When we almost had 'em but the issue still was in doubt,
Who suggested the retreat that turned it into a rout?
Vice-President Joe Biden is well on his way to showering the same sort of glory on his home town, Scranton, Pennsylvania, and on the state he represented almost adequately in Congress, Delaware.
When it seemed like our brave boys would keep on fighting for months,
Who took pity on them and ca-pit-u-lated at once?
His latest in a long and unending stream of gaffes was delivered on a formerly national television news morning show on NBC, where no one would have noticed except Matt Drudge picked it up. Drudge has devoted almost all of his incredibly influential blog to the swine flu pandemic, and when Joe Biden announced that he advised against Americans traveling by subway or plane, he threw an authoritative note of panic onto our already very fragile economy. In a few moments, with a few ill-chosen careless remarks, he sabotaged the calm, business-like atmosphere that more responsible leaders were trying to establish.
Who went re-con-noiter-ing to flank the enemy's rear,
Circled through the piney woods, and disappeared for a year?
In effect, as more capable leaders were saying that it was mild and that there was no need to panic, there was good old Joe saying in essence, "If I were you, I'd panic."
Thanks, Joe. You're always there when needed least.
Though he's gone to his reward, his mighty torch is still lit.
First in war. First in peace. First to holler, "I quit!"