Still Waiting For Fatwa

Some of the best people have fatwas, the worst people give fatwas, and I won’t rest until I have one too. I envy Salman Rushdie and Oriana Fallaci their fatwas. I can’t think of anything that proves you are doing and saying the right things about the Islamofascists than getting a fatwa of your very own.

Fatwas are not for everyone. Our main stream media, so fast to offend Christians and Jews, and throw out unsubstantiated charges of Koran desecration that get people killed, duck for cover behind “journalistic responsibility” if there is a chance an Islamist would be offended and come after them.

Liberals, who insist that they are the purest protectors of our civil rights, say that just because you can publish the Danish cartoons doesn’t mean you should if a Muslim says he might be offended. Since Muslims are offended by just about everything, it shouldn’t be long before only Muslim publications meet the “journalistic responsibility” test. Already, in England, some children’s books like Winnie the Pooh and Charlotte’s Web can’t be displayed on some classroom book shelves. A town clerk had to remove a piggy bank from his desk.

Homosexuals offend Muslims too. Forget “don’t ask, don’t tell.” The Muslims will replace that with, “you do, you die.” Koran touching by Infidels is out, as is Bible toting, crucifix wearing, and silent praying in a public place.

Islamists can also be very choosy about what is offensive, and when. Mohammad, a mere prophet, has been and still is depicted in Muslim literature and art, and has been for centuries. The “offensive” cartoons were published almost six months before Islamists suddenly realized they had to be offended. The Buddha statues at Bamiyan stood for a thousand years, then were destroyed. One of the few things that has consistently offended Muslims is women. If a woman crosses a man's path while he is praying, he must begin anew because the woman is offensive to Allah.

Muslims find non-Muslims offensive, and Sunni find Shiites offensive, and vice versa. Any criticism of the Koran is offensive.

Since I find all of these things about Muslims offensive – their intolerance, close-mindedness, misogyny, willful ignorance – I am sure that Muslims will be at least equally offended by me. See, I just drew Gay Mohammad. See, it’s right here on my desk. I’m not much of an artist, so let me describe what it looks like. It looks like a childish scrawl, a stick figure with a beard wearing a dress, labeled Gay Mohammad. About the same amount of artistry was involved in its creation as was in the celebrated and widely published Piss Christ and Elephant Dung Virgin Mary.

(The art is now displayed. The caption reads "Gay Mohammad in drag, winking at a guy" - since a picture is worth a thousand words, the Islamofascists should be having a cow soon.)

So do I get my fatwa now?