Dude, Where Is My Fatwa?

Look, Ayatollah Cockamamie, I’m getting tired of this Waiting for Fatwa. All Salman Rushdie did was remind you guys of Mohammad’s own words, and he got a Fatwa for life. A bunch of guys in Denmark made a few simple drawings of who knows what, labeled them “Mohammad,” and got put on your wanted “dead or deader” list. How about me?

I have gone out of my way to disrespect you. I think you and most of your Ayatollahs and followers are ignorant misogynists, and vile hypocrites of the worst order. You whine about disrespect for your religion because of some silly cartoons, yet daily publish the most virulent anti-Jewish cartoons the world has seen since Nazi Germany. Visitors to Saudi Arabia have their Bibles confiscated and burned, and can’t even show a hint of prayer in a public place. Now that is disrespect!

Disrespect? You don’t even know disrespect! The New York Times has never carried pictures of a Piss Mohammed, or Mohammad in Elephant Dung and Female Genitalia. And the cowardly Times and most other “major” American news media have not shown any of the cartoons you find so offensive, but they had no such reservations about showing Piss Christ and The Holy Virgin Mary in elephant dung and pornography.

On the other hand, I have published all the Danish cartoons in my blog, plus several others much more disrespectful. I have also criticized Allah and His followers, doubting that Islam is a “religion of peace” – I consider it a religion of war and savagery – and noted that Islam is a religion of ignorance based on blind faith in a petty, jealous god. If these things don’t get me a Fatwa, what will?

If you do give me my Fatwa, please watch out for my dog, Buddy, when you come to fulfill it. He has been trained to bite attacking Islamofascists in the groin, thereby reducing the allure of 72 virgins. Also, Allah has confided in me that there were good reasons why the 72 were still virgins when they passed on of old age.

Please note the following: By my remarks, I am not singling out Islamists. Many Muslims, Jews, Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, and others wish to live long lives at peace with their neighbors and, at the end, to die peacefully. On the other hand, many Islamists wish for, moreover they pray for, a way to die as martyrs for Allah. I simply wish that all these wishes, without exception, come true. The world would be a much better place.