Following the prescription of their practicing physician from Oklahoma, Senator Tom Coburn, when Sen. Reid (D-Nev) tried to expose Republican impotence and parade it for public ridicule, Republicans stiffened and showed they still could get it up for fiscal conservatism.
Accustomed to dealing with limp-noodle Republicans, Democrats bundled thirty-five bills already passed by the fiscally promiscuous House and planned to ram them up Sen. Coburn to show him that the Senate could practice unsafe spending as well as the House. Sen. Coburn had placed a hold on each of the bills primarily to focus attention on the need to reduce some programs to pay for increased funding of others.
The Democrats didn’t want anything to do with such fidelity to fiscal integrity, preferring instead orgiastic overspending to please their insatiable special interest groupies. The Democrats’ motto: “If you think money can’t buy you love, you don’t know Democrats.”
But just as Democrats could feel a free-spending climax coming, Republicans dealt them an abrupt dose of spendus-interruptus. The Democrats deflated like a man told he got the placebo instead of Viagra.
Like Bill Clinton when Monica said she it was her turn.
Like Bill Clinton when Hillary told him she felt “frisky.”
When Republicans told Democrats they had to stick to their budget pledge of no spending increases without offsetting decreases, the Democrats lost interest faster than Ted Kennedy when he found out the all-girls school he was speaking at was a nunnery.
As they left the Senate chambers without consummation, Democrats were heard to whine: “Safe spending is no fun!”
Then one of them shouted: “Let’s gang-tax the oil companies!”
As one they raised a rapacious cry and raced back into Senate chambers in the Capitol building.
“We’ve got a Big One for Big Oil, and they’re really going to feel it!” they moaned.