Toilet Paper Use Offset Marketing
Borrowed from Are We Lumberjacks
The Liberals who want us out of their bedrooms (but then post videos of what goes on there all over the Internet) now want to get into our bathrooms.
Sheryl Crow, who uses her celebrity to showcase her intellect, wants to limit the toilet paper we use to one square per bathroom visit.
Since guys often don’t use any on many of their bathroom visits, isn’t this placing an unfair burden on women? I’ll be glad to sell “toilet paper use offsets.”
According to another Liberal intellectual, Rosie, her description of her needs based on her physiognomy would indicate there will be a vast demand for “toilet paper use offsets.”
It reminds me of the story my buddy Arthur told me of going through British Army training during World War II. At that time, just about everything, including toilet paper, was in short supply and rationed. The British had to stand in line to buy anything worth purchasing. It was said the British had their own national letter, the “queue.”
At any rate, Arthur’s training sergeant called his group to attention in formation, to inform them that they were violating the restriction on use of toilet paper of three squares: “One to wipe with, and two to polish off!”
I’ll be thinking of Sheryl Crow and her unpolished bottom whenever I hear that she and her entourage are on tour, with their four buses, three tractor trailers, and six cars, or as I hear her chartered Gulfstream jetting overhead.
I'll gladly deposit the checks she and Al Gore send me for the carbon offsets I sell them from my hundred redwood trees, and add to that the checks for the toilet paper use offsets.
Global warming is a swindle, but with Liberal intellectuals like Sheryl Crow leading the way, the profit potential is half vast, or in the case of Rosie, vast indeed.
UPDATE: "We're just so happy that people are talking about global warming, even if it's brought on by a joke," Crow told ABC News.
Aside from the fact that the news and commentary is "all global warming, all the time," and only skepticism about global warming doesn't get heard, we all got a laugh at, or with, Sheryl Crow. Now we are still wondering about the carbon credits or offsets - farce or swindle?
ABC, rather than noticing all the equipment used to transport Crow and show, chose to mention their "environmentally friendly biodiesel bus." Since I just read articles about how environmentally unfriendly biodiesel is, with the high particulate and nitrogen oxide emissions characteristic of diesels (toxic soot and smog forming emissions exceed gasoline engines), and the small decrease in CO2 they achieve, I can only conclude that when doing interviews, it is best to limit yourself to ignorant or supporting "news" networks.
Even the radical Concerned Scientists are wary of biodiesel, and other environmentalists are concerned about increased production of biodiesel causing loss of habitat, and increased pollution from fertilizer and pesticide use.
I might add that with the scarcity of water and food in many parts of the world, the increased competition for resources to grow non-food along with food crops, and meet increasing urban needs for safe and reliable water supplies, will create more problems by producing biodiesel than would be solved.
Don't tell ABC that it is dumb to have their entertainment reporters handle their science reporting, just as it is dumb for the global warming crowd to grab most of their headlines with celebrity airheads.
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