Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Democrats as Prudes

Nothing can make a Democrat a prude faster than a Republican sex scandal. To Democrats, Republicans are guilty of inappropriate sexual activities if they make suggestive remarks to a page or an intern on the phone. Democrats feel this way because they know that Republicans consider any such conduct inappropriate, and will resign immediately upon being found out.

Other examples of inappropriate Republican sexual activities are going to a strip show, or renting a pornographic video. There is definitely no chance of Republican forgiveness if a Republican leader tells a state employee to “kiss it.”

However, Democrats certainly don’t care if Democrats engage in similar conduct. As far as sexual conduct between a Democrat and another individual goes, in which at least the Democrat is an adult, just about anything is permissible. One possible reason is that if a Democrat does it, the activities are not considered “sex,” whereas if a Republican does the same thing, everyone considers it sex.

As an example, a Democrat friend of mine noted that Bill Clinton did not lie about “not having sex with that woman” because oral sex is not sex. I’m sure her definition of what is and isn’t sex would make a lot of gay and lesbians examine their “sex” lives, which in many ways would be greatly reduced by the “oral sex is not sex” definition.

Forinstance, the definition that Democrats say protects Clinton from being branded a liar, that sex is not sex unless there is penetration of a vagina by a penis, totally eliminates all gay and lesbian “sex” from being called “sex.” Come to think of it, it eliminates a lot of heterosexual “sex” from being called “sex” too.

Following that same definition, the activities Gerry Studds engaged in with a 17-year old page boy were not sexual relations, because although there was a lot of penile penetration going on, not even one vagina was in evidence.

That is not to say that Democrats no longer engage in inappropriate sexual activities. Democrats still have Jesse Jackson, Gary Condit, Bill Clinton, tales of Ted Kennedy before his alcohol-induced impotence, and memories of JFK and Martin Luther King, Jr. and their legendary exploits.

But by redefining “sex” to give Bill Clinton an alibi, who would have thought it would be Democrats who eliminated so much sex in the world?

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