Tuesday, January 16, 2007

A Sign of The Coming of The Global Warming Plagues

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

A couple of days ago, when record low temperatures were being set in several California cities, the San Francisco Chronicle highlighted the fact that no records for low temperatures were set in many California cities. That’s the exact opposite of the way the Chronicle reports when a record high temperature is set, because that’s a sure Sign of The Coming of The Global Warming Plagues.

Whenever a record high temperature is reached, or a river overflows its banks, or a glacier calves an iceberg, or just about any other weather event occurs, Al Gore and the Global Warming True Believers (All Praise Be To Gore) cry out that it’s a sure sign of man-caused Global Warming. It matters not to The True Believers (APBTG) that:

Climate is the average of weather conditions over long time periods; because the climate system is inherently variable, individual weather events are not indicative of trends. Nonetheless, Gore overwhelms the reader with many individual events, claiming this is global warming in action.

In other words, Al-Bert, the Grand Ayatollah of Global Warming (All Praise Be Unto Him), spreads the Baloney Sauce thickly, using every recent dramatic weather event as a Sign (Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hal-le-lu-jah!) that The Time of Global Warming is upon us.

During the past several days, we in California have been freezing our butts off, experiencing what in several places were new record low temperatures.

Of course, freezing our butts off in California is not like freezing your butt off in Quebec.

A young man who came from Quebec,
Stood in snow up to his neck.
When asked “Is you friz?”
He said “Yes I is,
But we don’t call this cold in Quebec.”

However, there is some serious butt freezing going on. In Oklahoma. Texas. Malibu. Malibu? Electricity is out over a large area of the United States. Long stretches of roads are closed.

I joked with our office Liberal, who thinks Global Warming is a fact, that "all this cold weather is caused by Global Warming, right?"

She said, "Absolutely. Extreme weather, either cold or hot, shows Global Warming has arrived."

When Hell freezes over, you'll know what caused it.

A little Global Warming might have prevented the disastrous loss of three-quarters of our California citrus crop, and now our avocados, strawberries, and cut flowers are threatened.

(Part of my revenge on San Francisco Liberals is making sure the insipid lyrics of that banal song never fade away and die)

I wonder if the scientists thirty years ago were right, and this is a sign of Global Cooling?

Of course, when we speak of record high and low temperatures we must add a caveat that I never hear from the High Priests and Acolytes of Global Warming: the Earth has only had graduated thermometers for 300 years, and only during the past 100 years has there been systematic and widespread record keeping of global temperatures and weather events.

As an example of the last point, Pope Albert the Pontificator, and his Proselytizers of Global Warming, have pointed at increased tornados and hurricanes as a Sign. Unmentioned is the fact that only recently could most tornados and many hurricanes be assured of being recorded for posterity.

Changing technology is one reason for the uncertainty about long-term hurricane trends. Before the age of weather satellites and weather radar, scientists didn't know for sure how many hurricanes were forming in the Atlantic. Often they had to rely on scattered reports from nonexperts, such as sailors on fishing boats who returned to port with horror stories of awful storms far at sea.

I might add that the worst storms probably weren’t reported, 'cause “dead fishermen tell no tales.”

Only recently, with continuous satellite weather coverage, have we been able to meticulously track, measure, and record the number, type, and strength of most major weather phenomena. Even with the scant records of the recent past, we can still demonstrate that there have been periods of very severe weather long before there was even a hint that man could affect weather trends.

Among many examples are the large number and great strength of past hurricanes:

The 1940s through the 1960s experienced an above-average number of major hurricanes, while the 1970s into the mid-1990s averaged fewer hurricanes," Mayfield said. A new wave of hurricane activity resumed in the mid-1990s, and "the current period of heightened activity could last another 10 to 20 years.

Al Gore and the Acolytes trumpeted the record number of hurricanes in 2005 as proof positive that The Age of Global Warming was upon us. Then came 2006, one of the wimpiest hurricane seasons in recent memory.

Mayfield said, that in his opinion, the increased hurricane activity since 1995 is due to natural cycles of hurricane activity and is "not enhanced substantially by global warming."

According to True Believer Theorists, “global warming of the atmosphere could breed hurricanes via several complex mechanisms. To give one example, global warming could directly warm Atlantic waters, thereby encouraging evaporation of tropical waters. Like a man throwing oil on a fire, evaporation would boost skyward the kind of warm, moist air parcels that fuel hurricanes.”

This is highly circular reasoning. Global warming could cause more hurricanes, if hurricanes were formed by Global Warming as theorized. Therefore, more hurricanes prove Global Warming.

By that line of reasoning, Global Warming existed in the 1940s through the 1960s, then took a hike for 25 years, and has now come back. I wonder where Global Warming goes when it goes away?

We know what followed Global Warming the last time it went away. It was called the Little Ice Age (1300-1750 AD).

The last long period of Global Warming lasted 500 years (800-1300 AD), but we called it the Medieval Warm Period. People then wouldn't have called it Global Warming, because they were ignorant and didn't know they lived on a globe.

They didn't call it "Medieval" either, because at the time no one knew it was the Middle Ages.

Their ignorance rivals Al Gore's, who still doesn't know we already had a period of Global Warming we call the Medieval Warm Period, so Al should call his Global Warming II.

Or probably more like Global Warming MCMXCVIII, or MMDCLI, or even more likely, Global Warming MMMMMMMMMMMMM and a whole lot more.

If Global Warming was here to cause 2005, where was it in 2006? Will it be back in 2007, which is supposed to be an El Niño year? Hurricanes don’t like El Niño, you know.

Scientists seem to agree that El Niños and La Niñas come in cycles, regardless of Global Warming, yet we still have True Believer Scientists who preach that recent hurricanes are caused by Global Warming. The obvious question to ask them is if that is true, what caused the high periods of hurricane activity before Global Warming came along?

“However, most weather scientists seem more comfortable with the cycles hypothesis, according to which the recent super-hurricanes aren't something new; rather, they're just the latest manifestation of a long-running hurricane cycle -- a recurrent nuisance.”

God gave Pharoah ten plagues, and Pharoah was sorely vexed.

Saint Albert of Gore says we will have floods, droughts, violent storms, raging fires, roaring winds, skinny polar bears, fat mosquitoes, beri beri, dysentery, how does your garden grow?, and we'll have to face all this without a national health plan.

If we're lucky.

By then, the workers will just give everything they make to cover what has to go to Social Security recipients.

It won't be enough.

Things will be so bad that we'll give the illegal aliens California, and then we'll leave en masse for Canada.

California will be so bad by then we couldn't give it away, so the illegals will head to Canada too.

The gun-controlled Candadians will try to stop us at the border, shouting "49º 0' or Fight!" and swinging their Al Gore autographed temperature trend hockey sticks, but since we'll outnumber them by a quarter billion, they'll have as much luck as we did stopping twelve million illegal "immigrants" at our borders.

Quebec, here I come!

You Quebecois can forget French, just like los Californios can say adios to English.

Se habla español?

No comments: