Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Hillary Clinton in Heaven

The Gualala Lions met last night, and our Tail Twister did an excellent job selling us raffle tickets, giving the invocation, conducting a trivia quiz and fining us for wrong answers, and awarding raffle tickets for correct responses. However, when it came time for the evening’s joke, he called on another Lion to deliver it.

Chuck was willing and eager for the task. It seems that Bill, Red, and I had been killed in an automobile accident and our souls departed immediately to claim our eternal rewards. St. Peter met us at the Gate and said, “Hold on, it’s not as easy as that. Come along now and follow me.”

St. Peter led us to a door and said, “Open it, Bill.”

Bill opened it, and inside was a huge, angry gorilla.

St. Peter turned to Bill and said, “Bill, you’re a sinner, and you’ll spend eternity with this gorilla.”

Uh oh. I had a feeling that my turn was next, and it was.

St. Peter said, “Mike, this door is yours, open it.”

Not waiting for Chuck to announce my fate, I cried out, “Oh no, it’s Hillary, isn’t it?” and sobbed as I buried my face in my hands.

Everyone burst out laughing, since my strong Republican sentiments are well known by all.

Chuck didn’t miss a beat.

“Mike, you’re a sinner, but not that bad,” said St. Peter. “It’s only a huge boa constrictor, and it’s your companion for eternity.”

“Thank God!” I gasped.

Then it was Red’s turn.

St Peter said, “This is your door, Red. Open it.”

Red opened the door, and there was Cindy Crawford stretched out on a bed wearing nothing but a skimpy negligee.

St. Peter: “Cindy Crawford, you’re a sinner.”

That almost brought the roof down.

Later last night, when I got home, I checked my email. There was a note from one of my friends.

“Hi Mike. I heard that you were living with Hillary Clinton, and calling it Heaven!”

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