Sunday, February 17, 2008

The Unbearable Lightness of Obama

The movie The Unbearable Lightness of Being examined people’s lives carried along by idealism until dreams were crushed by reality (Soviet tanks); their illusions shattered and their lives changed forever.

So it is with Obama, with a campaign begun in a Place Called Hope, fueled by Dreams, destination Change.

Obama’s campaign is the distilled essence of Bill Clinton in 1992. It’s the Man from Hope without the policy wonkishness.

It’s ending the Iraq War with no idea how to do it.

We’ll pull one or two brigades out each month, and be all gone by the end of 2008. I’m sure al Qaida in Iraq will behave during and after our withdrawal.

We must hurry to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory before anyone besides al Qaida notices the Surge worked.

It’s universal health care with no clue how to pay for it.

Oh, that’s right. We’ll repeal tax cuts for anyone making over $250,000, and the only ones who will pay it are Democrats, who are always eager to pay more taxes, and Republicans who are too stupid to take advantage of all the loopholes.

And I’ll oppose repeal of the estate tax, which will help attorneys to continue earning obscene fees for setting up trusts to avoid estate taxes, while making sure that families that don’t pay this legal extortion are financially ruined.

You can’t take it with you, you know, and you can’t keep the government from taking most of it if you won’t share your wealth with your lawyers (who, by the way, are the biggest and most reliable contributors to Democrats).

Opposes privatization, but has pledged to take steps to keep Social Security and Medicare solvent.

When I wave my magic wand, Social Security will be OK forever without increasing taxes or cutting benefits, or raising early or full retirement ages. Since Medicare is already bankrupt, I’ll wave my wand for it before I leave the Inaugural Platform.

Come to think of it, since everyone starts collecting Social Security early, we’ll leave that at age 62, and raise the full retirement age to 85. That way anyone who keeps working keeps paying into Social Security.

(Following the journalistic trail blazed by CBS News, all these quotes were imagined by me, but as CBS News said of the Texas Air National Guard letters, “Although forgeries, they illustrate essential truths.” The only difference between my lies and theirs is that I admit mine immediately, instead of first trying to pass them as truth.

And although the quotes are made up, Obama's positions are not.)

If you think these are just dirty tricks by another Wascally Wepublican (as Democrat Elmer Fudd would say), Bill and Hillary are saying the same, and no one is listening to them either.

Please go to Villainous Company for more about the wraith that is Obama.

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